Tonight (it's Wednesday here already), is the first night of Rosh Hashanah. Andrew is away (still in Bali, all reports good. You might know more than I know if you are on facebook). As you might imagine, there aren't so many Jews here in Ho Chi Minh City. But there are some. The children and I will join them tonight at the Continental Hotel to celebrate the first night of Rosh Hashanah.
We are fortunate that there is a Chabad group here. Chabad is part of the Hasidic faction (word may be offensive to some) of Judaism, which is much more observant to the letter of the Law than the groups we, as a family, tend to favor. In fact, our usual congregations classify themselves as "Reform", "Reconstructionist", or refuse to classify themselves at all - not out of spiritual ambivalence, but out of Principle.
Chabad was formed to minister to Jews worldwide and to provide a Jewish home to Jews no matter where they might be. According to www.chabad.org, their goal is to provide outreach to Jews throughout the world,
"Because of what they already are, not because of what they may become; not so that he or she may one day become “orthodox,” but because right now they are already Jewish, and tefillin and Shabbat-candles belong to them; it is their right and their obligation to perform the mitzvah, and it is our privilege, honor and obligation to respectfully help them do so, with the same fervor and compassion that I would provide a warm meal and a place to sleep for a passerby whom I have never seen before and may never see again."
It sounds so welcoming, why do I feel nervous? It's that word, "orthodox". Our family is not orthodox. We barely know any Hebrew. Neither Andrew nor I grew up with much (if any) religious observance in our house. I'm converted in a way that most Hasidim would probably not accept or recognize. We barely observe Shabbat, attend services, study Torah, Andrew never had Hebrew School as a child. See the names of the movements above that we tend to favor as a family, and make all the inherent implications. At our usual services, there is music and singing and dancing. Families sit together and share together. There is Hebrew and English.
The orthodox do not sit together as families - women are separated from men, Hebrew is rarely transliterated to the Roman alphabet, and we don't really know where children are at services, but we are fairly sure they're not sitting on the Rabbi's lap. In our early days here, Andrew joined another teacher at Shabbat Services. It was at a time when Elia, in particular, was having a hard time adjusting. In our thinking and talking about going to services beforehand, she came completely unglued about these differences. And, quite honestly, I was having my own struggle with whether or not I could "swallow" and be positive about the fact that I was "relegated" to the back room. Ultimately, we decided that just Andrew would go and suss it out, which I think was a good decision for the time.
But, now it's High Holy Days. We simply cannot start off our Jewish life in Vietnam by ignoring High Holy Days. I have had an opportunity to talk with our Home Rabbi via email and so appreciated her guidance in helping me reframe to "We're all part of the same family. Go check out how the relatives do it". Maybe, just maybe, I was inserting judgement from my worldview and not spending enough energy "wearing their shoes".
And, I am learning much here about how our own perceptions color our responses. For example, I have heard many ex-pats talk about getting "constantly cheated" by the Vietnamese. Sometimes they are talking about getting charged 35,000 Vietnamese Dong (vnd) for a coffee. That's the equivalent of $1.50 usd, which most of the complainers probably would not think twice about paying double or triple that amount at their home Starbucks.
Today, I needed air in my bike tires so I went to the corner where the tire fixers hang out. It wasn't long before both tires were off, tubes were getting replaced, and the guy was trying to tell me it would be 500,000 vnd ($25), which would, in fact, probably have been overpaying. So I could choose to look at it as that guy was trying to rip me off. Or, I could recognize that I am here as a visitor. I don't know the language, I have much to learn about usual & customary prices and I have a responsibility to learn more Vietnamese so I can help myself in these situations. Is it his job to take care of me in HIS country or to get what he can while he can to take care of himself and his family? I ended up having a pleasant exchange, paid 350,000 vnd and rode off. Did I still overpay? Probably, because he didn't push me too much for more. Did I even need my tubes replaced? I think the back one probably did need replacing. The front? Maybe, maybe not. Am I going to ruin my day over it? Definitely not. And I learned a few things. Agree on a price first with the tire fixers. Be clear about what you want.
The kids and I are going to do our darndest to apply those same principles to our brush with the Hasidim tonight. What if we accept Chabad at their word? They are here to accept us as we are, not for what they hope we might become. We are Jewish, they are Jewish. They might do things differently. We might do things differently. We might learn. They might learn. We don't feel Jewish enough? No better way to learn "Jewish" than to hang out with the Orthodox for awhile.
We're going to meet some new relatives. As Elia said hopefully last night, "I might make some new friends".
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